Anthromorphological Invesitagtions

screaming into the outside you hear an echo that resounds a little louder every time you raise your voice. squint your eyes and you see patterns franticaly blazing themselves into your cerebellum. try to talk without listening to your voice. maybe its the vibrations of your skull that makes this impossible. there are visions and then there are perceptions and then there are projections and then there are hallucinations and then there are musings and then there are fantasies and then there are reflections and then there are shadows and then there are echoes and then there are harmonies and then there are dreams. struggling to 'grasp what you grasp with' you begin to spiral simultaneously inward and outward, like a starfish vomiting up its stomach in order to digest its prey outside its own body. if you feel you've hit a wall its because you have. if you feel trapped behind 40 layers of rapidly hardening liquid glass thats filling your lungs and your mouth leaving you frozen in mid scream its because you are. ever really notice what your organs feel like? you are full of meat.

we must see with the eyes of a cat.

ive been afraid of myself for too long. haven't we all. i mean its all a matter of balance, right? what goes in, what comes out, the pressing disastrous reality of the world around you measured against the emphemeral meaninglessness of it all? but the basic idea is power, isnt it? and the desire for power is something i never really understood until last summer. power to be. and its a hard thing to conjure up. empowerment is probably the most overused concept since equality. but real empowerment comes from inside, which is of course to say, it comes from outside. something like f. said 'encounter the other inside of the self.' something like that but better. the source, the fountainhead, godhead, the irreducible dot. something like that. the thing inside you that isnt you, that tells you who you are, or could be, if you encountered it properly, on your own terms. because you cant be until your being is displaced by something else, once you realize your self is just a moment, a moment that is being fed by something greater, something that can be chanelled into that moment, expanding it beyond all limitations by exploding it from within. and there are all sorts of tricks for doing that. ive found a few. just need to keep practicing them. so yeah. plug in and shine out, before the bulb bursts. because the bastards have us up against the wall.

non volitional reality pushes in on the chest like an iron lung.
words fail again and again to evoke
anything-
numbers do better but still fall short
of sensetastesong
it maybe
newagey but hey
aint it better this way?

Well it seems I have forgotten the point of this site in the first place: pseudo-academic justification for the consumption of psychedellic drugs in the rain forest. or, on the other hand, a new feild of anthropology which could revolutionize our very concept of being-in-the-world. ladies and gentlemen, i mean all three of you that actually check this site from time to time, i give you anthromorphology: the study of locatedness, action and actor through the various levels of intertwining and separation that characterize the fluid process of knowing is the physio-psychological experience we call being alive. this experience, as anyone who has ever fallen asleep will know, is made up of varrying levels of consciousness. the ordinary waking state for the average 'sane' individual (which dr. michael harmer has so blithely and blandly dubbed 'ordinary reality' or O.R.) is one of relatively limited (and limiting) sense data. from early infancy onward, we become accustomed, for the sake of our own survival, to pairing down the massive amounts of sense data we recieve (be it from inside or outside the body) to managable bits and chunks which we quickly learn to assemble into our 'ordinary reality,' that is, the world we see and move through every day(think huxley, doors of percetion blah blah blah.) In our dreams, however, the rules which govern this world break down and we can get a taste of what it would be like to move through the universe free from the illusion that we are isolated lumps of flesh and nothing more. in fact, there are very few cultures that actually believe this to be the case. we simply have the misfortune of belonging to one of them.
due to the general boringness of living in a modern civilzation, and the mundane way in which all of us must function on a day to day basis, we soon lose the ability to imagine that our dreams are anything more than just dreams. what we experience is our reality, and when we experience nothing but concrete and glass, with the occaisional tree, baby or animal thrown in to spice things up, we quickly come to believe that that is all there is to the world. beauty is nice because it allows us to get out of our heads for a second and appreciate something higher, but as a rule we are confined to experience the world as constructed by modern western Science. a world in which thought is a 'mere' impulse in a meaty brain, and everything can be reduced to the 'physical' realm of ordinary reality. this can be seen in all facets of 'modern life:' our buildings are efficient, our entertainment basic, our art intellectual (at best) and even our desires controlled by a darwinian combination of market economics and biology. we have learned to sell ourselves to our selves every day and reduce any serious problems we face to inevitable consequences of past actions. impotence is the current opiate of the masses. in the end, the main message of the western sociolpoliciojudeochristianscientificobjective machine is that you are what you are and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT but try to 'better yourself' through the appropriate channels. diet, exercise, religion, medicine, all view the thing located at your precise position in the socioeconomic matrix as a number on a grid, a number that can maybe move itself up or down a few inches, but a number none the less. as long as one is confined to ordinary reality, one is playing their game and, lets face it: they made it up, and they're better at it than you.
but there's another game, an older game, and a lot more to your ordinary reality than meets the eye. for it is based on a deeper more involved level of experience, something that could be called aesthetic, unconscious, collective, communal, spiritual, divine, but has to be experienced, (or rather, accepted) in order to be believed. this is what our friend the good doctor harner calls nonordinary reality (or, nor,) and while he needs to work on both his acronyms and his relaiance on binaries (an outdated and oh so western intellectual technique) he does set it all up rather nicely and simply: this 'other' reality is no more or less real (or as he says 'consensual') then 'ordinary' reality. it is not something concocted or evoked. it is a world which always exists behind, beneath and between the ordinary world we build out of it through the unconscious selection and mitigation of our senses and our mind. this nonordinary reality requires a re-training, a return to a 'shamanic state of consciousness' in order to be experienced. as a culture, however, we have cut ourselves off from the possibility of believing that the unique experience of a single individual could have any meaning what so ever (think of the 'groupthink' that defines the scientific method) and that something that is not immediately availiable or perceptible to everyone cannot be real. but think of the way science actually operates, of the amount we take on faith, of the large amount of 'invisibile forces' that define where we are, who we are and what we are capable of: dna, gamma rays, atoms, gravity (thats a good one.) our lives are defined by things we do not know. shamanic consciousness simply gives us another way to know them, another way to move through the network (a better word than the heavily loaded but much cooler matrix) of plants, animals, molecules, ideas, facts, relations, heritages, planets etc. etc. etc. of which our world is made. it is through traditional ecological knowledge (there you go, dana) that we can come to know and truly interact with these 'things themselves' in all their openness and relative impermanece. it is also one of the only ways to encounter things that are truly beyond our ordinary perception. this can include beings, intelligences, or entities (that is actual agents) that have a profound and sometimes defining effect on our ordinary reality. commonly, these agents, or actors are known as spirits or divinities or demons. we can refer to them scientifically as toxins, memories, archetypes, or even 'inherited knowledge.' but the only way to know them as agents with volition is to meet them. and the only way to meet them (that i've found) is through the traditional ecological knowledge (there i said it twice) known as shamanism.

Snow covered cars drowning in white vertical puddles.
montreal piped bing crosby drifting down avenue st. Laurent.
stammered gasps begging forgivness for sins uncommitted.
three fingers on her neck feeling for a pulse.
"but maybe you should-"
"I dont want to know."

stupid fucking photos on a dead batteried missing camera.
wont upload oblong car shaped sheep like piles
or the smiles of a few
girls
and boys i met along the way.

these fucking invisible chessmen dog my every step:
electricity.
money.
g.p.a.
"feelings"



fucking invisiblity. where does it go? where does it come from?
is your mother as good as they say?
hypersexual insomniac. batter my heart three personed love. from five directions at once, like a coupla knights leaping over my elabiarate labiarynthine pawn structure to quintuple fork rook bishop knight queen and king. where the fuck you gonna go?

it is also possible to have too much love. it is also possible to be too comfortable. to have too many options. etc.


it is possible to have five phone numbers in your hand
and no quarter.

its not ironic its just stupid:

your invicible chessmen
wont take me alive.

to be that dead, you mustve done something. i mean really. what do you think? was it your mother who over mothered you? or was it your lack of real problems that left you white and rich with nothing to do? why do you even read this shit? dont you have something more pathetic to do? write one yourself, you fool.
keep in touch though,
seriously.
its all i got.

you R whachu write.

right?

dont give a fuck
and maybe even you
could be as cool.